Death

Death is never a welcome visitor. Even if it is a blessing for those hurting, sick or sad. The inevitable guest at the end of our earthly existence..expected....but misunderstood at best. To have a young man inadvertently, accidentally kill himself....give in to the demons of addiction and drugs, I cannot comprehend it. I cannot understand the waste of a such a gentle soul. How are those left expected to deal the with the emotional heart ache of the "why could they?" "Could I have done more?" Why some live....some die....some exist....forever will create questions in my mind. I just don't have the words to express the sense of loss for all the death that has occurred within the last week. Ultimately...I do believe that God is in control...that His eye is on the sparrow and that He watches over His own. Sometimes...sometimes...I would just like to understand things a bit more.
Lily

Failure

A heavy sense of failure has been my constant companion as of late. Struggles with people and responsibilities towards them. Most days I would just as soon stay inside and never go out. I'd rather be in seclusion than offend. I have no answers. This is just my daily struggle. I know there is a reason for it. A purpose in it. But it is not quite clear to me yet. My trust is in the Lord, not in my ability to understand my circumstances, my emotional/mental state but in Him.

Lily